


The Houseguest

by missgeevious



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Episode: s07e03 Home Sweet Home, Future Fic, Invasion of Privacy, M/M, Masturbation, Patrick Brewer is a Troll, Post-Canon, References to ABBA, References to Meryl Streep, Trolling, Unwanted Houseguest, trolling as a love language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29309157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgeevious/pseuds/missgeevious
Summary: Ray stays with David and Patrick while his roof is being repaired. He still doesn’t understand how knocking works.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Ray Butani & Not Knocking
Comments: 64
Kudos: 181
Collections: Schitt's Creek Season 7





	The Houseguest

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [theclaravoyant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theclaravoyant/pseuds/theclaravoyant) in the [SCSeason7](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCSeason7) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>  7x03 - Something goes wrong with Ray's place (a storm, bug bombing etc.) and he needs somewhere to stay for a while. It's the least Patrick can do to offer, right?

_“You did what?!”_

David claps both hands to his face, his eyes going huge and round as he freezes in place. The sudden and complete motionlessness is startling in a man whose arms and hands and face only seem to cease their relentless movement when he’s asleep. It’s strange and mildly upsetting to see him so still. Patrick has just enough time to wonder if he’s finally broken him with his trolling before David reanimates and his entire body begins reacting to the news. Patrick smiles briefly, relieved, as he watches David turn in a circle, arms waving and head thrown back. _There’s_ his husband. David stops to clutch the tops of his shoulders with both hands and shake him a little, eyes boring into Patrick’s and broadcasting his angry distress clearly. “Absolutely not, Patrick! No! It’s too much!”

Patrick tries very hard not to grin at David’s dramatics. He’s honestly not any happier about the situation than David is, but the part of him that loves trolling David has very much been looking forward to the experience of breaking this news to him and watching the reaction.

“What was I supposed to say, David?”

“No! You were supposed to say _no,_ Patrick!”

“I know it’s not ideal—”

“Not ideal? It’s a lot worse than _not ideal!”_

“David.”

David releases Patrick’s shoulders and crosses his arms over his chest, tilting his chin down and lowering his brows to punctuate his displeasure.

“David.” Patrick is using his soothing voice now and it’s a calculated risk. Sometimes this voice just riles David up more. It took him a while to work out that it has to do with which eyes Patrick gives him when he uses it. If he broadcasts _fond and sincere_ at him, David usually responds to it. If, however, he lets _exasperated and amused_ out through his eyes instead, things can go sideways fast. He reaches out to gently squeeze David’s upper arms and tries to gaze at him with the former, but he’s pretty sure some of the latter is sneaking in as well.

David rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t step out of Patrick’s grasp. That’s a good sign.

“Ray’s done a lot for us over the years, including introducing us, technically.”

David scoffs.

Patrick can’t help but think about the fact that if Ray hadn’t taken a chance on him, hadn’t given him a job and a place to live, he might never have met David. It’s a thought so terrifying that the hair on his neck stands up and he has to force it away before it consumes him. He refocuses on the job at hand. “Ray needs help. He asked _us_ to help him. We have the space. It’s only two days.”

_“Two_ days?!”

Patrick nods. “Probably. It depends on how long it takes Ronnie’s crew to do their work.”

“I can’t believe you’ve done this, Patrick.”

“I haven’t done anything yet.”

“Wait! So you told him you had to check with me first?!” His mouth drops open and this time he does step out of Patrick’s grasp.

_Uh-oh._ “Um. No? Not exactly?” David crosses his arms again and lifts a brow skeptically. “I told him, uh, that we would discuss it.”

“How is that not telling him that you had to check with me first?”

“Um…”

“Paaaaaaatrick.”

“David.”

“You realize you’ve put me in the position of having to say yes. If we say no now he will know it’s because _I_ said no!”

“I didn’t think of that.”

He’d totally thought of that.

“This is terrible husbanding.”

“I’m sorry, David.” He does his best to turn the _fond and sincere_ eyes up to high beam.

David glares at him. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing.”

Patrick just blinks slowly and keeps beaming.

“Eventually those eyes will stop working on me, you know.”

He steps forward and slides his arms around David’s waist. “Do I? Do I know that?”

David is still making a show of his objection to this whole thing, so he doesn’t reach up to rub Patrick’s shoulders the way he always does when they are in stroking distance. He leaves his arms dangling at his sides and continues frowning.

Patrick kisses one corner of his downturned lips and then tilts his head to the opposite side and kisses the other.

David wiggles unhappily but still doesn’t actually pull away from him so Patrick kisses his spot on David’s neck and then tucks his chin over David’s shoulder and pulls him closer for a proper hug. “You’re a good person, David.”

He huffs noisily but his arms finally come up to hug him back. “At least there are locks on the bedroom doors at our house.” He’s quiet for a few moments, relaxing against Patrick’s body and letting himself be soothed. Then he pulls back far enough to make hopeful eye contact with Patrick. “Can we put a lock on the outside of the guest room door?”

%—%—%—%

“Gentlemen!” Ray is standing on their front porch with an overnight bag in his hand and an enormous grin on his face. David twitches with the desire to reach out and slam the door shut again but Patrick is right beside him and grabs his hand to stop the movement before it even really starts. _Ugh._ He does his best to force a polite smile onto his face, but given the way Ray’s eyes widen and tick to Patrick uncertainly it doesn’t seem likely he’s done a good job of it.

“Hi, Ray. Come on in.” Patrick, of course, sounds perfectly friendly and relaxed. He tugs on David’s hand to pull him back out of the doorway so Ray can enter. He thinks about snatching his hand out of Patrick’s grasp in protest but Patrick anticipates him once more and holds on tighter. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see an affectionate smile tug at his husband’s mouth and it should irritate him, but instead he has to fight against letting his own face soften into an automatic smile in response to it.

Patrick turns to look at him and winks. Technically, it’s a blink since he uses both eyes, but David knows what he means. He squints at Patrick in a manner meant to communicate _You’re not as cute as you think you are._

Patrick just smiles at him, eyes soft, and rubs a thumb over David’s knuckles.

Their entire nonverbal exchange happens so quickly that Ray doesn’t even notice. He walks past them into the house and looks around. “I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to be staying here! Everyone in town is very envious. They all wonder what your home life must be like, what with how different the two of you are, and I’m always telling them, ‘Oh, they’re very private these two, they hardly ever socialize. When Patrick lived with me he always took David to his room like a teenager.’ And then I tell them about how I always had to come to Patrick’s bedroom if I needed to talk to you and how you were so rarely dressed when I stopped by to chat. I was constantly surprised by how comfortable you both were with nudity during our conversations.”

The tips of Patrick’s ears turn faintly pink, which is adorable. It reminds David of the early days of their relationship, when Patrick was so easily overwhelmed by how he felt about David and by thoughts of what their bodies might do together. The old instinct to ease him through that feeling kicks in and he automatically changes the subject to provide a distraction and give Patrick a moment to recover. He begins telling Ray about how he’s been struggling to come up with a post-holidays winter aesthetic for the store that doesn’t revolve around snow or ice somehow and how it’s been a challenge to think of something.

Ray starts talking and keeps talking. He starts with his thoughts about winter themes but then starts hopping from topic to topic. David lets the words flow past him and doesn’t attempt to follow their meaning. He nods from time to time, but he’s lost in his own thoughts about what to do to change up the store’s aesthetic, now that he’s actually thinking about it. Maybe he should go in the complete opposite direction and do something fire-based, something reminiscent of the warmth of their cozy fireplace here at home. _Hmm._ He spends several minutes coming up with, and rejecting, various ideas in his head. The squeeze of Patrick’s hand brings him back to the present in time to hear Ray say, “…and, honestly, I think the lesson learned here is: don’t trust Roland with a leaf blower _or_ a chainsaw. Which in retrospect, seems like something I should have realized sooner. Anywaaay! Ronnie says they should have the roof repaired in a day or two. It was going to be very chilly in the house until then, though, so I’m pleased you gentlemen wanted to return the favor.”

“The favor?” Patrick asks.

“My prior favor of allowing you to stay in my home when you came to town, Patrick.”

Patrick blinks. “You mean the room that I _rented_ from you? The one I _paid money_ for?”

“Yes.”

It’s not often that Patrick is at a loss for words, but David can tell by the blank look on Patrick’s face that he is buffering and this is one of those times, so he jumps in. “Mkay, Ray, why don’t I show you to our guest room? That you will be staying in. At no charge.” He waits until Ray begins walking away to lean very close to Patrick and quickly whisper, _“Can_ we charge him?”

Patrick does one of his upside down smiles and shakes his head before pressing a quick kiss to David’s cheek. David hmphs, but secretly he’s pleased to have interrupted the start of a bad mood for Patrick and made him smile instead.

He hurries ahead so Ray can follow him and doesn’t go rogue and start wandering into rooms not meant for him. Ray keeps up an endless stream of chatter as he goes, remarking on every bit of furniture and decor they pass on the way. When they reach the bedroom, David stands aside to let him enter first and then stands in the doorway with as much patience as he can muster, which isn’t much, obviously. He listens while Ray remarks on everything in the room before switching to a monologue on the things that could be improved. David is coming dangerously close to telling Ray that he’s really _not_ interested in taking aesthetic advice from a man who thinks photoshopping people onto the side of a volcano is the height of sophistication.

“You know, David, given that your last name is Rose, you might consider some lovely pink curtains and floral wallpaper in here.” Then he gestures at the generous basket full of products from the store sitting on the dresser. “And the complimentary bath products could all be _rose_ scented.” He clasps his hands together and grins expectantly at him.

David’s spine stiffens in outrage. That completely incorrect idea is the last straw. “Oh, my _god!”_ He doesn’t even say anything further in response, just glares at him and shuts the door in his face. Firmly.

“David?” Ray’s muffled voice calls from the other side of the wood. “What time is dinner?”

David growls and stomps off to find Patrick.

%—%—%—%

Later that night, after a dinner full of enthusiastic conversation from Ray and semi-polite forbearance from David, Patrick escapes to the kitchen to take care of the dishes and let his face relax. Watching David and Ray interact over dinner had been highly amusing and his jaw aches a little from clenching it against the laughter that wanted to burst out of him. He’s pretty sure Ray wasn’t actually _trying_ to enrage David with every other sentence that came out of his mouth, but the result was the same as if he had been. Less easily explained was Ray’s ability to overlook the parade of emotions that scrolled over David’s face the entire time. Part of him wishes David could be more patient with Ray, like Patrick is, but the other part of him enjoys watching David get wound up. Patrick chuckles to himself as he replays the best moments from dinner in his head.

He’s drying his hands on a dishtowel when David speaks from behind him. “What’s so funny?”

He turns to find David walking toward him and pouting. Patrick grins and tosses the towel on the counter so he can slide both arms around his husband’s waist. “Nothing.”

David hums suspiciously and raises one thick, beautiful brow at him. Patrick knows it’s best to distract him right now so he presses a slow, soft kiss to David’s lips. By the time he pulls back, David’s forehead has relaxed and he chases Patrick’s mouth. “More kisses.” His voice is low and just a little needy in the way that makes Patrick’s dick take notice so he is happy to oblige. David sighs contentedly as Patrick slides his tongue over David’s and pulls their hips closer together. When David hums again, this time with desire, the sound vibrates both their chests and finishes the job of making Patrick hard. He presses himself against David and shivers a little with the want coiling through him.

After a few more moments, a nagging thought penetrates the pleasant, kiss-drunk haze in Patrick’s mind. _Where is Ray?_ He blinks his eyes open and pulls away to ask David and nearly jumps out of his skin when he finds Ray standing right next to them. “Jesus!”

David’s eyes pop open and he takes a wild, stumbling step backward. “Holy fuck!”

Ray just smiles at them placidly, as if quietly watching them make out from two feet away isn’t strange behavior.

David takes Patrick’s hand and they both take a slow step away from Ray.

“Patrick, will there be dessert? I sat at the table for a while, expecting that’s what the two of you were doing in here— preparing the dessert— and I was very much looking forward to what it might be. I was concerned at first that David might be in charge of it and that was what was taking so long, we all know David can’t cook, but then I realized that David is actually the perfect person to be in charge of dessert, what with his penchant for things that are sweet. But perhaps the dessert preparation is more euphemistic in nature?” His eyes flick down and Patrick takes a quick step behind David to try to hide the obvious bulge in his pants.

His heart is still racing a little from the shock of finding Ray watching them and now his face is hot with embarrassment. His frustration is apparent in his too loud voice when he says Ray’s name forcefully. “Ray—”

“Ray,” David says at the same time, talking over Patrick in a friendlier voice. “How do you feel about ice cream?” He reaches back to pat Patrick’s hip and squeeze it gently and Patrick growls softly but goes quiet.

“Oh, I love it!”

“Excellent. We have some lovely Ben and Jerry’s choices.”

“But I cannot eat it, sadly. Lactose intolerance.”

“But…” David squeaks. “We had lasagna for dinner, Ray!”

“Yes, David. It was very good!”

“But lasagna is full of cheese!”

Ray laughs. “That must be why my belly is making such strange noises!” He claps his hands, as if this is delightful news. “Oh, my goodness. This will be an interesting evening for us all!”

David’s mouth drops open in horror and he turns to Patrick, forehead crinkled above anxious eyes. “You _lived_ with him! How did you not know this?”

Patrick slowly hangs his head and covers his eyes with one hand. “I forgot.”

The unmistakable sound of Ray passing gas breaks the silence.

David takes several steps backward and begins edging out of the room. “I’m, um, I’m just going to… uh… go get ready for bed.”

Patrick tries to grab David’s arm to keep him from leaving, but his fingers skitter over the sleeve of his sweater and can’t find purchase before David is out of range. “It’s not even eight o’clock, David.”

But David’s already gone and Patrick’s been left to deal with Ray alone.

%—%—%—%

David has changed into his favorite pair of joggers and his favorite _Comme des Garçons_ sleep shirt and completed his entire nine-step skin care routine as slowly as possible, and now he’s out of excuses to hide here in the bedroom. He sits on the edge of the bed and tries as hard as he can to think of an acceptable reason not to rejoin Patrick and Ray in the family room. He’s still thinking about it— okay, fine, he’s thinking about the winter aesthetic for the store again— when Patrick opens the door. He closes it again and leans back against it, crossing his arms and squinting at David irritably.

“Leaving me out there alone with Ray is terrible husbanding.” David wants to be annoyed at having his own words turned against him but Patrick’s not wrong. “We’re supposed to be a team, David.”

Patrick is much better at shouldering burdens than David is. Understandably. Look at those shoulders. David tips a small smile to one corner of his mouth in a way experience tells him his husband will find cute. But _he_ is much better at distraction, and this seems like a good time for distraction. He lets his smile deepen and crooks a finger at his husband. “Why don’t you come here and we’ll have a little team building exercise?”

Patrick’s frown evaporates into a huff of quiet laughter that’s mostly breath and David knows he’s successfully managed to change his mood again. He tries not to be smug about it.

David stands as his husband crosses to him. Patrick slides his arms around David’s waist, one hand tucking up under his sleep shirt to rub gently at his lower back. “As much as I appreciate the idea, it’s probably too risky with Ray in the house.”

David leans forward to kiss the sensitive spot just below Patrick’s ear. “Did you put on a movie guaranteed to hold his attention?”

“Mamma Mia.”

“That’s perfect. He adores Meryl Streep.”

Patrick nods. “I know.”

His gaze drops to David’s mouth and he lifts his chin in a silent request for a kiss that David is happy to grant. It’s slow and deep and he drags it out until Patrick makes a small desperate noise in his throat. Then he pulls back and trails a finger down Patrick’s body before tucking it behind the button of his jeans. “Did you lock the door?”

Patrick’s eyes flare with heat and then go dark. “Yes, David.”

He pops the button open and unzips him. “Good boy.”

Patrick’s cock twitches under his hand and David smirks. They don’t have the time or privacy for him to take Patrick apart the way they’d both enjoy right now, but those words alone are enough to get them both thinking about David demanding and Patrick yielding, and that’s almost as good. “Get on the bed.” Patrick scrambles to comply and David yanks Patrick’s jeans and boxers halfway down his thighs in one go. He drags his flattened tongue slowly up his cock and then says, “Can you be quiet for me?” before taking Patrick into his mouth and dropping down quickly.

“Fuck,” Patrick whispers with a shiver. “I’ll try.”

Several minutes later the happy strains of Waterloo drift in through the closed door and David pulls off Patrick so quickly it makes a _thwop_. Patrick groans in frustration and his hips jerk blindly, searching for the warmth of David’s mouth, but David presses him down into the mattress and holds him still. “That song is from the _sequel_ to Mamma Mia! Patrick! What were you thinking? Meryl Streep barely appears in that one. It’s not going to hold his attention!”

Patrick gasps and they both freeze and listen closely for sounds from the family room. Just as Patrick begins to exhale the breath he’s holding they both hear the squeak of loose floorboard in the hallway and freeze again, staring at the door.

“Maybe he’s just going to the bathroom.”

Patrick must feel David’s whispered breath on his cock because he whines and twitches under David’s hands again.

The doorknob starts to turn and they both jump into action.

“Dammit!” Patrick hisses as he rolls off the bed and shuffles quickly for the walk-in closet.

David pauses to watch his husband’s ass bouncing and jiggling as he stumbles across the room, trying to pull up his jeans as he goes. He can’t help giggling at the sight.

Patrick looks back over his shoulder at David with a mixture of amusement, frustration, and embarrassment. Then he smiles and closes the closet door and David realizes he’s been left on his own to deal with Ray. _Fuck._

“David? Patrick?” Ray’s voice calls through the door. “Knock, knock! The door isn’t opening. There’s something wrong with it.” The doorknob rattles and the door judders in the frame a bit with Ray’s efforts to open it. “I think it’s stuck.”

%—%—%—%

Patrick stands in the dark closet and listens to David try to handle Ray. At first he thinks maybe David will be able to get Ray redirected back to the family room so they can have a few more minutes to finish what they started. Patrick’s cock throbs hopefully at the thought and he presses on it with his palm. But it quickly becomes clear that’s not going to happen. The Voice is about to start and Ray wants David to watch it with him. David tries to put him off but Ray reminds him that the preview for this week featured Adam Levine doing yoga for some reason and that’s the end of that. David is gone. _Dammit._ Patrick thunks his head gently against the closet door and squeezes his cock again. He’d been so close and he’s practically shaking with the need to come. He considers finishing himself off but he doesn’t want three minutes alone with his hand— one at this point, if he’s honest. He wants David. _Worst edging ever._

He gives it another minute to be safe, then leaves the closet and grumbles to himself while he grabs joggers and a t-shirt from his dresser. He shoves his jeans off and flings them in the direction of the hamper. The jeans miss, landing in a pile next to it, and his frustration clicks up another notch. He yanks his shirt off, tosses it, and misses with that, too. _Dammit._ He stalks over, scoops up the clothes, and shoves them in the hamper.

He deeply regrets agreeing to let Ray stay with them.

He wiggles his hips a little to adjust himself. _Deeply._

He pulls on his joggers and t-shirt and tries to center himself again. It won’t be helpful to stomp out there and let them both see his frustration and he really doesn’t want to give David the chance to be smug about the whole thing. Once he thinks he’s settled down enough he heads out to the family room to watch television with them. Adam Levine had better be doing the yoga topless. In gray sweatpants.

* * * *

Patrick turns onto his stomach and automatically stretches a hand out to David’s side of the bed. He pats around a few times but finds nothing but blankets and sheets. “David?” He can tell by the quality of the light filtering through his eyelids that it’s morning. David never wakes up first, though, so he cracks an eye open and calls for him again. “David?” He’s afraid something is wrong, that David’s sick or hurt, so he starts to get out of bed to go find him, but then his eyes catch on the note David’s left on his bedside table.

**P— Decided to go into the store early to get some things done. Enjoy your day off. xxx —D**

Patrick snorts. _Decided to go in early._ Right. _Tried to avoid Ray_ is more like it. He sets the note down and picks up the travel mug of tea David left for him. At least he can stay cozy here in bed with his tea and read for a bit. Ray, who always made Patrick look like a late sleeper when they lived together, will have left for whichever one of his businesses he’s working on today by now as well. In fact, David probably had to interact with him despite trying to sneak out early. Patrick smiles. He’s going to enjoy the peace and quiet for as long as he can. He settles himself and picks up the novel he’s currently reading. _The Snowy Nook_ is a romance novel about two men trapped in a cabin together by a blizzard and it’s sexy as hell. David enjoys watching romantic movies and Patrick does too. At least, he does now, with David. But Patrick enjoys reading romances even more. When it’s just him and the words, he can imagine the two of them as the main characters, although he would never, ever admit doing that to _anyone._ He hasn’t even told David.

The chapter he’s on is the one where the two men finally fall into bed together and it’s hot. Really hot. Patrick’s getting more and more turned on as he reads it. Soon, both men have come spectacularly and arousal is heavy and warm low in Patrick’s belly. Last night’s raging, and still unsatisfied, hard-on returns. This time, he is going to do something about it. He grabs the lube and his favorite dildo from his nightstand and in short order he’s clenching around it and fucking his own fist. He imagines David as the tall, muscular forest ranger from the book and himself as, well, himself, because that’s just easier. He starts slow, teasing himself a little, but soon enough he’s thrusting quickly, his breath catching as he spirals upward, imagining David fucking him mercilessly. The orgasm hits him hard and fast, wrenching a shouted grunt out of him as his whole body stiffens. After the last spasm shudders through him he collapses into the mattress, boneless. He’s got a minute before the dildo will start to bother him so he just lies on his side, panting and smiling a little. That had been a good one.

“Patrick?”

He has a frantic split second to flip the duvet over himself before Ray opens the door. The panic and embarrassment collide in his chest and explode out of him. “Ray! What the hell is wrong with you? You’ve got to knock! You can’t just barge into my bedroom anymore. I’m not renting a room from you. This is _my_ house!”

Ray blinks at him, clearly shocked by Patrick’s shouting. Then he straightens his shoulders a little. “I apologize” He’s smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and he sounds very formal. “I heard a shout and thought you might need help. Clearly, you are not in need of my assistance so I’ll just…” he points a thumb backward over his shoulder and starts stepping back far enough to pull the door shut.

Patrick scrubs a hand over his face. “Wait. Ray?” Ray opens the door again and looks at him warily. “I’m sorry, Ray. You just… you startled me. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

A smile— a real one— lights up Ray’s face. “I forgive you, Patrick.”

Anger coils in Patrick’s belly again. How is it _he_ is the one apologizing here? “Why aren’t you at work?”

“Oh! I thought it would be fun to make pancakes for us, just like the old days. How many would you like?”

%—%—%—%

David’s finished all the opening tasks and there haven’t been many customers, so now he’s bored and wandering around adjusting things that don’t need to be adjusted. He doesn’t care much for the days he has to work alone at the store. Nothing feels completely right when Patrick isn’t there. He keeps thinking they will reach that stage of togetherness where time apart feels good, where they grate on one another enough to make breaks helpful and healthy. Instead, his need for Patrick only seems to grow deeper. Soon, he’ll be like his father— completely unable to cope without his other half, wandering around fixing things that don’t need fixed. He looks down at his hands on the already perfectly arranged display. _Oh, god._ What if he’s suffocating Patrick with his need for him? What if Patrick wants more time apart than David allows? He puts a thumbnail against his teeth and almost bites on it before remembering his manicure. He huffs instead and paces back and forth in the empty store. Okay, this is okay, he can fix this, he can do this. Space is good. It’s healthy. He’ll get a hobby or something. Maybe they should each have two days off every week so they have time for other interests. Except… what hobby should he try? He could start playing video games, except those are pointless and annoying and usually violent. _Ew, no._ How about a book club? Someone around here must have a book club he could join. But that would mean spending time with a group of people who would likely have incorrect opinions about what to read and how to run the group discussion and how many people were ideal for conversational equity. _Ew, no._

He turns to stride anxiously toward the front of the store again just in time to see Patrick pushing the front door open and smiling at him like he hasn’t seen him in a week and couldn’t go a second longer without him. Everything he was worrying about pops like a soap bubble and he practically floats toward his husband, reaching for his shoulders with grabby hands. “Hi.” He kisses Patrick’s cheek and breathes him in.

“Morning.” Patrick catches his arm before he can step back and pulls him into a proper hug. “I missed you. I don’t like waking up without you.”

David squeezes him tight, relieved and happy, and grins into his neck where no one can see. _Fuck spending time apart._ They stay like that for a minute, getting their fill of one another. Instead of worrying about being too much, David’s thinking about how lucky he is. In the end, he’s even the one who breaks the hug first. He presses a quick kiss to Patrick’s mouth and steps back. “Why are you here? It’s your day off.”

Patrick’s eyes slide away and he scrubs at the back of his neck. “Um, I need your help.”

David purses his lips and squints at his husband. “Mmhmm. So not so much that you missed me.”

Patrick gives him his fond eyes. “Both. It’s both.”

“Mmhmm.”

Patrick turns to lean back against the till counter and crosses his arms. “I did something… inadvisable.” When he doesn’t immediately continue, David waves one hand impatiently. “I called Ronnie to see how things are coming along on Ray’s roof.”

David makes an _oooh_ face, and shakes his head. That was definitely a mistake. “Why would you do that? Didn’t you learn from the bathroom thing?”

Patrick’s irritation slips his control and comes out as sarcasm. “I don’t know, David. Maybe because I want Ray out of our house as soon as possible.”

“I thought letting Ray stay with us was the least we could do. That we owed him for introducing us or whatever.” He waves a hand. “What’s changed?” The tips of Patrick’s ears turn pink. _Interesting._ “Patrick?” Now he’s full on blushing, hectic spots of red appear on his cheeks and spread to his neck.

“Ray walked in on me this morning.”

“What? While you were changing clothes? That’s hardly news.” Patrick avoids eye contact and his face is positively crimson now. Suddenly, the realization hits David. “Oh! Ohhhhh. You were, um… ?”

“Yes,” Patrick grits out. “I was _um_. Well, technically, I had just barely finished _um-ing_ , but it had to have been pretty obvious what was going on. He… heard… me.”

David bites his lips together, but he knows the grin is going to break free so he spins around quickly and pretends to straighten some bottles that still don’t need straightening. He clears his throat and keeps his back to Patrick when he speaks. “That must have been traumatic.”

“I can hear you grinning, David. It’s not funny.”

David gives up and turns to face him again, even though he’s barely keeping himself from actually giggling. “It’s a little bit funny. He heard you, huh? Must have been a good one.” David waggles his eyebrows.

Patrick pouts at him. David tries never to let Patrick see how much he loves his little pouts, how cute he thinks they are, because the man will use them as a weapon, the same way he uses his eyes, if he knows the full effect they have on David. It’s a losing battle today, though. God, he’s adorable when he’s like this. He steps forward and smooths his hands back and forth over Patrick’s shoulders comfortingly. “Okay, so you said you needed my help. How can I help? Did you need…” He shimmies his shoulders and winks.

Patrick breathes a laugh. “No, David. I told you I already handled that.”

David grins and raises his eyebrows. “Yeah, you did. Wanna tell me all about it? While you handle it for me?”

This time Patrick laughs fully and David feels smug. He’s so good at making his husband feel better. If they gave out trophies he would get the biggest one, the one they give the VIPs.

“What I need is for _you_ to call Ronnie and smooth things over and see if there’s any way she can get Ray’s roof finished today.”

David will do it. He will call Ronnie and tell her some snarky gossip about his mother and make her laugh, and then he will work in a comment about how stressful it is having Ray in the house. Ronnie will see through it and give him shit about it, but then she will relent and do what she can to make it better for David. He’s never understood exactly why Ronnie seems to like him and he tries not to take advantage of it, but sometimes it’s very handy. He will call Ronnie, but not before he tortures his husband about it. Just a little. “You want me to ask her to work harder and do the job faster?”

“Yes.”

“Because you need Ray out of the house as soon as possible.”

Patrick narrows his eyes. “Yes.”

“But it’s only two days, Patrick. And we have the space.” He’s smirking now.

“David.” Patrick’s voice stretches in warning on his name.

David adjusts his rings in an attempt to disguise his smile. “Guess you underestimated your ability to tolerate Ray in close proximity again, huh?”

Patrick just stares at him.

“And _over_ estimated your ability to say anything to Ronnie about how she does her job that doesn’t piss her off?”

Patrick’s cheeks redden and David suddenly has an even better idea for how to get Patrick back so he stops teasing and pulls his husband into a hug. “Of course I’ll call Ronnie. I’ll do it right now.”

Patrick relaxes against him and kisses his neck. “Thank you, David.”

Ronnie comes through and that night they happily stand on the front porch saying goodbye to Ray. Actually, they’ve _been_ saying goodbye to Ray for a while now and he just keeps not leaving. David’s given up and is just standing there, waiting for it to be over. Patrick, on the other hand, keeps offering a parade of benign niceties in an attempt to move Ray along. “It was so good seeing you,” and, “Drive safely,” and, “Take care.” And then it happens— Patrick’s brain disengages from his mouth and he tells Ray he’s welcome to stay with them anytime. David squeezes his hand so hard the bones grind together and Patrick winces before closing his mouth forcefully enough that his teeth clack together.

Ray smiles brightly. "No thank you, Patrick. I don’t think we are compatible enough to share a living space again. I need quite a bit of time to myself, as you know. But don't feel bad! Some people are just very sociable and obviously you two need more social time than I do. You understand, I'm sure."

David feels the outrage spark in Patrick’s body as his mouth opens, no doubt to object strenuously to Ray’s incorrect interpretation of events, and he practically yanks Patrick’s arm out of the socket in an effort to pull him into the house before he can say anything to prolong this interaction even more. “Bye, Ray!” David shouts and slams the door shut.

%—%—%—%

**A week later…**

“I’m sorry, _what_ did you just say?!” Patrick literally can’t believe it. He must have heard him wrong.

He stares in disbelief at David, whose eyes are sparkling with mischievousness above clamped together lips that are spreading into a smile despite his effort. The smile pops free for a flash of a moment before he schools his face again. “What was I supposed to say, Patrick?”

“No! You were supposed to say _no,_ obviously.”

“I know it’s not ideal—”

_There it is._ Patrick had a feeling he was being trolled, but now— hearing his own words parroted back to him— now he knows for certain, and a laugh punches out of him. My god, he loves this man. He can hardly believe that David’s eagerness to troll him is stronger than his aversion to spending time with Ray. It’s quite a sacrifice just for the pleasure of getting a rise out of Patrick. He tries to let David have this moment, tries to inject the right amount of frustration into his voice when he says, _“David,”_ warningly, but even he can hear the affection mixed into it.

David looks down and away, still trying to control his ridiculous, adorable face that will never be tamed. He’s wearing one of Patrick’s favorite sweaters, the one with the gray spots over each hip that Patrick can’t resist putting his hands on whenever David wears it.

“David,” Patrick repeats as he steps forward and palms those gray spots to bring David closer. “You didn’t really tell Ray he could join us at karaoke with Tammy tonight, did you?”

“Well, I told him I would discuss it with you first and let him know.”

Patrick grins, loving how it feels to be teased by him, loving how much David is enjoying it, loving David. He squints at him and shakes his head a little. “This is terrible husbanding.”

“I’m sorry, Patrick.” The mirth bubbling in David’s eyes, that he’s trying so hard to contain, starts spreading through his body and he wriggles happily under Patrick’s hands, and Patrick has to kiss him now. At first it’s just their smiles pressed together but then it settles into something slow and sweet and Patrick’s mostly in the moment, but part of him is definitely thinking a little bit about how he’s going to get David back for this at karaoke tonight. He knows how much David hates it when he serenades him in public. He’s going to ask Ray to join him for a duet. They’ll sing Dancing Queen and maybe Voulez-Vous as an encore. Oh, god, if he can somehow get Ray to sing "voulez-vous avec moi" directly to David... David will hate it so much. Patrick’s grin is so big it breaks their kiss.

He can’t wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [vivianblakesunrisebay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivianblakesunrisebay/pseuds/vivianblakesunrisebay) and [houdini74](https://archiveofourown.org/users/houdini74/pseuds/houdini74) for being the best betas a writer could want.


End file.
